ARE YOU A NATURAL-BORN WATERCOLOURIST?

TAKE DAVID’S QUICK QUIZ!

1. When you run out of jam, do you… 

a)      take the jar to your nearest recycling facility?

b)      smash the jar with a hammer and use the broken bits to line your garden wall?

c)      put the jar in a cupboard because a good watercolourist can never have too many jam-jars?

 

2. You take a walk in the park and catch sight of a squirrel scampering along the bough of a big oak tree.  Would you like to…

a)      tempt it to the ground and stroke it?

b)      pot it with a .22 rifle?

c)      see what its tail would look like dipped in Winsor and Newton cerulean blue?

 

3. You are stranded on a desert island and your only human company is a tribe of hostile natives who are probably head-hunters.  Which of the following messages would you put in a bottle? 

a)      “To whom it may concern: I’m stranded on a desert island.  Please tell my family and friends that I’ll be home just as soon as I’ve fashioned my raft of coconut palms and banana leaves.”

b)      “Help!”

c)      “Weather good.  Wonderful views.  Please send Winsor & Newton Bijou Box with No.2 sable a.s.a.p.”

 

4. Who is Russell Brand? 

a)      sexy top comedian.

b)      talentless loudmouth.

c)      don’t know – is he a watercolourist?

 

5. You’re preparing breakfast and you burn the toast.  Do you… 

a)      eat the toast anyway – a few carcinogens never hurt anybody - ?

b)      throw the toast in the bin – there’s a takeaway curry in the fridge - ?

c)      scrape the toast, mix the black bits with Gum Arabic and spend the morning experimenting with moody skies?

 

6. How many watercolours do you paint in a week? 

a)      what’s a watercolour?

b)      none.

c)      two hundred and fifty-one.

7. You’re enjoying a quiet day at home when the ‘phone rings, someone starts hammering on the front door and a fire breaks out in your kitchen.  Do you… 

a)      ask the person at the door to call the fire brigade, then go and answer the ‘phone?

b)      answer the ‘phone and hope that the searing flames will persuade whoever’s at the door to go away?

c)      neither of the above because you’re in the middle of laying a perfect, flat wash?

 

8. Which tastes the nicest… 

a)      sainsbury’s yellow-fin tuna?

b)      cox’s orange pippin?

c)      schmincke cadmium red?

 

9. Which of the following best describes your personality… 

a)      funky, out-going, party-loving extrovert?

b)      awkward, shy, stay-at-home, neurotic?

c)      watercolourist?

 

10. How many times have you visited David Chandler’s website? 

a)      0.

b)      David who?

c)      more than 100.

 

 

YOU SCORED…!

Mostly a’s:            You obviously found your way here by accident.

 

Mostly b’s:       You need cheering up.  Why not take up a hobby!?  Visit www.davidchandler.com and buy yourself a telescope.

 

Mostly c’s:       Your obsession with watercolour has reached pathological levels.  You should consider cutting down on the number of times you lick your brush.  A displacement activity like body-piercing or cigarette-smoking might help.