In The Future

Idle speculations about the future of Art.

In the future... paint brushes will come with GPS fitted as standard so that you can learn the Bob Ross method by satellite.

In the future... people will realise that Jack Vettriano’s paintings are not evocations of a nostalgic past that never was but highly prescient and accurate portrayals of how life will be after the polar ice caps have melted and we all have to paddle around in two feet of water.

In the future... the Tate Modern will have to be called something else.

In the future... a cure will be found for the common cold, President Bush will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and British trains will be clean and safe and run on time, but over-working your watercolours will still result in catastrophe.

In the future... the government will introduce performance targets for artists and everyone will be on special measures except Rolf Harris.

In the future... no artist will be ahead of his time.

In the future... when you visit the Louvre, you will be able to choose the sex of the Mona Lisa.

In the future... French Ultramarine and Prussian Blue will make way for a single, common pigment known as Euro Blue. To avoid unintentional discrimination against social, ethnic or religious minorities, this blue will be colourless.

In the future... all brushes, pencils and sticks of charcoal will carry the following warning:
The manufacturers of this brush/pencil/stick of charcoal do not accept liability for any defamatory, inflammatory, suggestive or irreligious mark, sign or image created by this brush/pencil/stick of charcoal, which shall be the sole responsibility of the user of said implement. Do not run with this brush/pencil/stick of charcoal. Do not place near eye or up nose.

Do you have a prediction? Email me!